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death

Journaling

Personal , Random • Feb 8, 2014

I don’t know why i find journaling so chalenging. Not challenging as in I cant do it – it’s just i’m never motivated to do it. Is that lame? lol.

When my grandmother (dads mother) passed a couple of years ago the only thing that I truly wanted of hers was her journals. I always had the understand that she kept those journals (and she truly did journal daily) for the majority of her life. Although I haven’t truly taken the time yet to read through all of them it was awesome to read the things that I did.

On the flip side though I think that at times what your reading can be a bit sad. She felt different at times about various situations that she never shared with anybody. You can’t go back and change those situations but it’s good insight for future events.

So that leads me to keeping my own journal. I’ve debated over the years on if I should keep a paper journal or digital journal. Over the last few years i’ve really tried to keep both. The digital journal is easier, you don’t have to worry about where it’s at, and of course it’s passcode protected.

But .. at the same time it’s kind of nice to sit and write in a paper journal. Something a bit relaxing about it i guess. I was diagnosed with the onset of carpel tunnel last year so thats one thing to think about as well. It’s a bit painful to write at times so the digital option can somewhat remain easier.

I’ve also been using the Day One app for sometime now. It syncs between my ipad, computer and my iPad which is awesome. I really don’t have a reason to not journal because of truly how easy it is.

I guess that brings me back to my original point though – if it’s so easy for me to have access to journal then why the hell don’t i do it? Does anyone out there keep a journal? If you keep a journal then how often do you take the time to actual write in it and update it.

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Death

Personal , Random • Jan 22, 2013

DEATH. We all know that at some point its coming. At a certain point in life as well we know that it’s going to begin to surround us It’s always a shock and it’s never the type of surprise any of us look forward to. The circumstances are always unexpected and its always unfortunate.

This morning at 2:30 AM my grandfather MERLE SMITH passed away. It was everything listed above. As an older man I knew his time was coming. I knew that every minute I had with him could some day be my last. I took that for granted and unfortunately I didn’t spend as many moments with him as I should have. A REGRET IS A MISTAKE THAT YOU HAVEN’T LEARNED FROM. I learned therefore I have no regrets. I look back and smile only on the happy memories I still have.

Grandpa was admitted to the hospital on Sunday for pneumonia. At the time everything was normal. Being elderly the admittance was simply just a precaution. Monday evening things went sour when an aneurism in his brain burst. A few short hours later he passed to his home in heaven. He will have great company with fellow family members that have gone before him. 

Today is the first time ever that i’ve called off work for a death in the family (don’t judge me). I feel that its more benefiting to be at work keeping my mind off of the pain instead of sitting at home and sulking about it. This situation is different. This man meant everything to me. My dad passed when I was young and this man stepped in quickly to fill the voice. This he continued to do up until the day that he passed. I will never forget the beautiful memories that I am left with.

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2012 Survey

Holidays , Personal • Dec 31, 2012

I was perusing some blogs and reading about everybody’s 2012 when I saw this great survey. RACHEL of Rachel.Nu completed this survey and requested that everybody do so. So.. why not??!! I hope that everybody else takes the time to do this survey as well. Feel free to link your blog in the comments. Thanks for the great survey idea Rachel!

  1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
    I got to visit GERMANY in October. Although I have to be honest and say that it wasn’t the best vacation ever, it was truly a great unforgettable experience that I love reliving through photos.
  2. Did you meet any of your important goals this year? What are your goals for next year?
    Well, honestly, no. I lost a bit more weight and got below my goal but other than that no. 🙁
  3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
    No.
  4. Did anyone close to you die?
    Yes. My grandmother (and best friend) passed away in 2012.
  5. What countries did you visit?
    Germany!
  6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
    I’m going to agree with Rachel’s answer. I want to look better and feel better about how I look.
  7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
    Besides my grandmothers passing, June! I got a promotion that i’ve been working years for.
  8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
    My promotion to MANAGEMENT mid year was one of worked very hard for. I also bought my dream card. A JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE.
  9. What was your biggest failure?
    Procrastination and disorganization .
  10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
    5 sinus infections.
  11. What was the best thing you bought?
    My Jeep!
  12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
    None, people never fail to let you down.
  13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
    Those I shall not mention.
  14. Where did most of your money go?
    Hmm.. bills, gas, and Sephora! haha
  15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
    Going to a WWE show and the CARRIE UNDERWOOD concert!
  16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
    Call Me Maybe, this song drives me nuts! haha
  17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
    a) happier or sadder? Happier
    b) thinner or fatter? Thinner
    c) richer or poorer? Richer (yay!)
  18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
    Making money and working out.
  19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
    Eating unhealthy and spending money
  20. How will you be spending Christmas?
    I spend every christmas with my partner, my mom, my moms sister, my moms brother-in-lawn, my moms mom, and my two cousins.
  21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
    Wordpress. I also re-fell-in-love with Fanlistings.
  22. Read any good books?
    Yes. James Patterson never disappoints.
  23. What was your favorite TV program?
    WWE, Gossip Girl, and Risoli & Isles.
  24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
    Nope.
  25. What was the best movie you saw?
    Dark Knight topped my list.
  26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
    Justin Bieber? haha.. where have I been.
  27. What did you want and get?
    My Jeep!
  28. What did you want and not get?
    Happiness
  29. What did you do on your birthday?
    Nothing. Honestly, absolutely nothing.
  30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
    My grandmother not passing.
  31. Who kept you sane?
    My co workers. Honestly.
  32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
    Danny Worsnop (from Asking Alexandria), I guess. I didn’t really fancy anyone, but he’s pretty cute.
  33. What political issue stirred you the most?
    Healthcare
  34. Who did you miss?
    My BFF who moved to Texas.
  35. Who was the best new person you met?
    Katie!
  36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012:
    Whats mine is mine and what’s yours is yours in my relationship.
  37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
    “For every time you broke me, Well youre gonna face an army, army of me” Christina Aguleria
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Is Gun Control The Answer?

Personal , Random • Dec 16, 2012

burning red candle

I know that this is a VERY controversial topic, but its one that must absolutely be talked about. Yesterday my partner and I went on a short road trip to Amish Country for lunch. Instead of enjoying our usual holiday music for the ride down I decided that I wanted to listed to the CNN state on my sirius radio.

I have been very bothered and deeply disturbed by the events that unfolded friday afternoon in Newtown, Connecticut. Through our two hour car ride CNN repeatedly recapped the information that we already knew and continued to provide breaking news updates throughout the afternoon. The two items that CNN repeated over and over again were that we needed (1) tougher gun control laws and (2) tougher mental health laws.

This poses my biggest question. IS GUN CONTROL THE ANSWER? Now, I don’t own a gun and i’ve never put a ton of thought into our current gun control laws. The thing that seems to resonate within my mind is that the shooter in this situation never owned a gun. It was his mother that owned the guns. Now, I agree that that military grade semi-automatic weapons have no place in a consumers home. But the truth of the matter is that the shooter in this situation never owned a gun (he attempted to purchased one days before the shooting and was denied) but instead our shoot stole his weapon from his mother.

Yes, I agree that if laws on gun control had been more strict our shooters mother may never have had this semi-automatic killing machine in their home. But their were 5 other weapons within the home that the shooter had access to. CNN brought another good point, if you want to kill someone what is going to stop you? Gun control laws aren’t going to stop you from obtaining a gun. It’s similar to drugs in my eyes. Drugs are illegal substances but look at how many people are admitted to rehab each year because of a drug addiction. I can’t tell you how many people I knew in high school that smoked marajuana. The laws on drugs never stopped them from doing them.

I’m not in anyway trying to justify the horrible crime that was committed on Friday. I feel the same pain and mourning that the rest of our country is feeling. I just believe that it’s time to take a stand together and put in place solutions to attempt to prevent this from happening within the future. I believe that CNN had it wrong. We need to look past laws and policies and think outside the box for a proper solution.

I understand that this topic is controversial. I’m not looking to argue with others on the issues. Please be respectful with your own personal questions, comments, and concerns

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